everydayexperiments

Who am I? What am I? I find conversations around these two questions come up more often than not, since as human beings, understanding our place in the world is the ever present quest of our souls. Let’s be honest, whether you want to admit it or not, this question is present in our thought life as we go through the motions of every day tasks, in our hearts as we compare ourselves to others and in our conversations as we state how we feel from one moment to the next. This doesn’t mean we are vain, self absorbed or inherently flawed as human beings. It is natural. The question, “Who am I?” needs to be asked often, it needs to be asked kindly and it needs to be entertained by our thoughts, intentions and conversations.

However,even more  important, are the answers we declare to these questions.

“You will experience whatever you think after the words ‘I am…’” Chalanda Sai Ma.

How often today did you say “Oh I’m such an idiot!”, after a small mistake was made? Or did you look at yourself in the mirror this morning and pick apart each detail of your appearance you don’t like? Maybe even just one thing you don’t like? Are you holding onto a regret from years ago that you still define yourself with? When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said “I am beautiful” or as a guy you might say “Damn I’m good looking!”? When was the last time you gave yourself some grace over a mistake made or a dumb comment uttered?  Or perhaps you are believing something someone else told you, that you aren’t good enough, aren’t smart enough, aren’t pretty enough.

I read the quote above recently in Marianne Williamson’s book, The Gift of Change. It struck me so deeply that I have not stopped wondering what I have created with simple declarations about myself. Both destructive and life giving thoughts create our experiences. Sadly I think that more often than not, my declarations about myself are unloving, even cruel. And rarely are they very kind. I tend to be my own biggest critic, quick to point out my mistakes and flaws.

Over the last couple weeks, I have tried a deeply personal experiment, and even now I’m a bit hesitant to share it for fear of what you might think.

I am attempting to intentionally change what I believe about me. I am re-writing my inner dialogue so that it is life giving and full of love.

For some reason, over the years I created an inner dialogue that is unkind, ungenerous and fearful. Scared to believe in myself for fear of becoming “arrogant” or of not living up to my own expectations. And now, after years of trying to “change”, “become confident”, and be who “I believe God created me to be”, I am finally realizing that what needs to change is actually quite simple. I need to re-write my personal “mantra”. And so, each morning  I have written a new and very kind belief statement to myself over and over. I fill at least one journal page with “I am” statements that are positive and kind. “I am strong, smart and beautiful. Today will be an amazing day.” It’s simple and it’s the same each day. I want it to sink into my psyche.

So I’ve committed to myself to keep us this new practice – and we’ll see what happens. I admit, this may sound insignificant to some, and silly to others. But for those who are willing to try it, I think you’ll notice a shift, even if only a subtle change, in how you treat both yourself and others.

“Belief is powerful, and whatsoever we believe, we will subconsciously make manifest.” Marianne Williamson, The Gift of Change.